The law of reflection. What we see in others is as much a reflection of our inner reality than what they see in us is a reflection of theirs. Blog #24

The topic I am addressing in that blog is possibly the most fundamental and useful principle we can learn about social psychology.

Life is a placebo

There are no Universal truth. No common sense. No absolute right or wrong. No ultimate criteria of beauty, wisdom or perfection. The experience of life for each individual is unique and shaped by the exclusive collection of filters and lenses we own out of our upbringing and surroundings. We may share some common beliefs, own similar values, and agree on many things with some people we know, but we can never own an exact entire same belief system as anybody else. Each moment offers just too many parameters over the course of a lifetime to make it remotely possible. Beside that impossible occurrence would defeat the point of any of us in the first place. The reason we all exist in the Universe is our difference, since contrasts elicit movement and expansion.

The mind is super biased, we only see what we know, we only see what we are...

With Perceptual Prediction, Neuroscience has debunked brilliantly the actual mechanism of the mind when it comes to our interaction with the tangible world, that outer reality that differs from a person to another. For a long time we believed that the mind was reflecting the world from outside in, using our senses to gather informations of what is. In fact we interpret signals from our senses based on what we already know, our templates, what we believe is (our belief system). So our external experience is more a ritual of using signals from the outside to trigger and strengthen our existing beliefs and reinforce them from the inside out. We can only see what we recognise. We can only recognise what we know. Our first observations of the world shape the seeds of what we know. And just like a tree, what we know will grow in a direction or another depending on its environment and upbringing.

We react to whatever do not fit into our belief system

We are by nature pack animals, therefore hardwired to belong with our own kind. In the context of that article that means that when we operate on a survival mode we must reject anything that would be perceived as threatening to our place in the tribe. So if someone owns a trait frowned by the society we grew up in we will naturally react to them, judge and reject them.

For instance many people are passionate fattist and seem to be on a mission to judge and criticise anyone who own a body composition deemed unhealthy when it is none of their business. From my perspective as a therapist it is clear to me that the more reactive those people are the more they are advertising their own insecurities.

We are scared of what we don't understand

From an evolutionary perspective we are programmed to be paranoid in regards to the unknown. So for instance, although there has been significant progress as far as racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia and any type of discrimination, there are still resistance and resurgences in the world and on the social medias from people who are still operating a survival mode as their environment keeps on fuelling their mind with fear and anger. They are uncomfortable in their skin and scared of the world so they seek strength in number by choosing a common enemy: them, the others, the ones who look and sound different to us, just like when they witch hunted, sacrificed babies to the Gods of Harvest or needed a common scapegoat:"the idiot of the village..."

To someone who is racist, Islamophobic or transphobic the whole world is blind and has gone PC mad. It is their reality and they don't mean to be horrible, they just genuinely believe that this is the truth as they believe for fear and division to be a universal truth.

There are more nice people than scared ones

Thankfully there are also people out there who believe in evolution, growth, tolerance and harmony and it is important to highlight them. Those people are the most civilised people in our specie as they no longer operate on a survival mode and are at the forefront of our evolution as far as the human race is concerned.

How are the law of reflection relevant to my life ?

1- Never take anything personally.

Because we can only give what we own. Whatever people think or say about us, whatever their judgement, reaction and opinion is always a reflection of their own reality. So when someone is horrible to us for instance this doesn't say anything about us as a person. It only indicates that they are in an uncomfortable place and want us to notice that they exist, using the only energy they know (disempowering, aggressive, petty or fearful emotions...) to attract our attention. So instead of reacting to them we want to remind ourselves that:

a) They are the first recipient of their negativity... and it is harder to get hurt by someone we feel sorry for.

b) Everything and anything can stay in place and time where they are. Whatever happens around us, whatever people do or say or may think about us have got nothing to do with us. There are only one thing that matters to us, only one thing we want to allow in and internalise: the thoughts and emotions that serve our well being and purpose.

2-Use your own reactions to assess and address your personal disempowering beliefs

Because we can only see what we are. Whatever reaction we have in regards to people, events and situations is always indicative of how we feel inside. It was never about them or the world. It is always about us. So the next time we react, next time we feel annoyed, irritated or frustrated by someone or something we want to ask ourselves:" Why am I reacting to this? What has this got to do with me anyway ? What belief must I address in order for me not to feel bad next time this happens ?"

In the same way next time we feel the urge of judging someone we want to remind ourselves how we are all the same and how a reaction is always a signal of an internal imbalance yet to be corrected, a reminder that we are back on a survival mode. It doesn't have to be like that, we can do better than surviving, we can now learn to live and thrive.

Didi Kan is a certified advanced RTT Therapist (Rapid Transformational Therapy), a clinical hypnotherapist and a mindset and mindfulness coach specialised in anxiety, depression, addiction, self sabotage, trauma and phobia. Click on the link below to explore his website: