There is no such thing as a healthy competition and how we keep on recreating unhappiness on a daily basis. Blog #6
We are whatever we believe we should be
Our belief system is the collection of filters and lenses from which we see the world through. They create the subconscious automatic pilots that dictate all of our actions and reactions. Those beliefs tell us what we believe is right or wrong, true or false, good or bad... They are our map of the world and we borrow them from our upbringing and surroundings during our developmental stage mainly until between the age of 6 and 10.
Unbeknown to our parents who for the most of them love us dearly, they are passing onto us unrealistic and disempowering beliefs that they have inherited themselves from their parents and teachers. Those beliefs set up impossible standards to live by and guarantee us a rollercoaster life of constant stress, disappointments, the ephemeral and cruel illusion of victory and a lingering and corrosive feeling of dissatisfaction.
Our very own belief system set us up for disappointments
To illustrate my point here are 3 most common unrealistic and disempowering beliefs we all own and can relate to at some level:
1- “I must do well and win the approval of others or else I am no good.”
2- “Things must go my way, or else I can not cope.”
3- “Life must treat me fairly otherwise I will feel terrible, and if people have treated me unfairly they are bad and must be punished.”
Comparing, competitiveness and perfectionism
Let’s zoom on the 1st one and observe 3 further sub-beliefs born from it. Out of the belief that “I must do well and win the approval of others or else I am no good” emerge the glorification of comparing, competitiveness and perfectionism. Those common assumptions are all celebrated and reinforced consciously and wrongly in our society constantly. We all believe in various capacity that we must always ensure we fit the standards of society, that there is such thing as a healthy competition and that the pursuit of perfection make us better people.
Hell is others
Let’s look at those 3 assumptions from a psychological perspective. What comparing truly means is that “I am only good enough if I am as good as others”. What competitiveness truly means is that“I am only good enough if I am better than others”. What perfectionism truly means is that “I am only good enough if I am the best”. None of those beliefs are realistic or empowering because of the ever changing nature of the Universe, its infinite myriads of parameters and our limited input about them.
We will always loose against our ego
To those that believe it is a better option to compare and compete against self as opposed to others I like to remind them kindly that they are creating an internal conflict against themselves. In the battle versus our ego there will be inevitably both a winner and a looser and since we are both ourselves and our ego that is pointless in the end and only creates unnecessary pressure. A better way to look at it is to want to expand our potential, regardless of others or our ego. We don’t need to compare, compete or seek perfection, we just want to grow and enjoy that growth.
We must let go of the illusion of boxes
I teach my clients to want to stop limiting themselves to other people’s standards, rules, dogmas, expectations and boxes. There is a bigger world than the limitations we have been taught. Instead of desperately trying to fit into clubs and societies, we want to remind ourselves that we all already belong to the biggest and best club and society ever: the Universe ! So we want to create our own space within that unlimited potential, not replicate what others have done already or expect from us.
Some are called genius because their ideas seem to come out of nowhere. In fact all ideas, solutions and answers exist somewhere in the Universe, outside of all boxes, templates, models or existing formulas. We are only oblivious to them as long as we believe that we need others to validate, measure or justify our worth. In the end we are limited by our very own inability to accept that we are enough.
The secret power fix
I am an RTT coach. A therapist and a coach. I use Rapid Transformational Therapy to replace those unrealistic and disempowering beliefs from the very subconscious mind in one session via hypnotic regression. There is no other protocol at the time this article is written that is as efficient, quick and radical to correct our automatic pilots. I specialise in anxiety, depression, addiction, self sabotage and EMPOWERMENT !!!
Stop following, start inspiring !
When we operate with a power mindset, a growth mindset, a creator’s mindset, we see possibilities, solutions, answers, imagination, creation, purpose and love. With a disempowering, fixed and victim’s mindset we see others. We can ultimately decide to follow the world and suffer its limitations or start creating a better one.