What 10 years in a life means. Blog #22

A picture often speaks a thousand words. The trend of the moment on the social medias is the 10 year challenge. But as with all things in life there is often more than meet the eyes.

Life is full of surprise

Until the age of 38 (in 2008 for me) I have been angry at the Universe. I have been diagnosed and treated for suicidal manic depression, schizophrenia, alcoholism and addiction to class A drugs. I had a tumultuous relationship with my Mum that led me to end up in the street regularly from the age of 12 and live a double life between the constant battles at home, sleeping rough and living amongst fellow squatters, drug addicts, prostitutes, pimps and criminals of all sorts, and attending school somehow every now and then...

Then out of the blue I received a call from that estranged brother I despised, asking me to drop everything about my life on the spot and come to Paris so I can look after our Mum. She has tried to commit suicide twice after learning from her second cancer diagnosis and requested me to be her full time carer, and if her demand was not met she would kill herself for good this time. I jumped on the first Eurostar train available and spent 6 months in hell, trapped in a small house in the suburb of Paris with a new dysfunctional family. I had to look after that mother I have been desperate to love and be loved by all my life 24/7 for absolutely everything physically and mentally, including the most gruesome and awkward daily tasks. To top the bizarreness of the situation she would sometime lose the plot, forget who I am and scream hysterically until I left the house, and I would have to wait in the garden in the snow, until she remembered who I was and what day it was so I could come back inside. My brother did his best to be helpful during my stay, blissfully unaware of the fact that he recreated the same disastrous configuration of our first family, by marrying a girl from rural China, who never wanted to leave her family, friends and culture behind at the first place, who didn't speak French or have a friend after living in France for 15 years, and was slowly turning into a modern and younger version of my mother: a young depressed disempowered woman trapped in a world she never chose...

On the left is a picture of me taken in Paris during the summer of 2008

Behind the smile my sanity is actually sinking slowly but surely like the Titanic and I am running out of life boats. Between the ups and downs of my Mum's mind clarity, 26 years of resentment and the alcohol fuelled difficult discussions resulting from the unfinished business, add to that a sister in law going through a nervous breakdown, that hates my guts and can't cope with her 3 screaming hyperactive children and my constantly exhausted brother which sole purpose in life is to keep this mad house together at the cost of his health, and all of this in a super toxic cabin fever kind of configuration, it was business as usual in the grand tradition of the Kan's dynasty. I started to lose copious amount of hair as the daily and prolonged stress triggered alopecia in me. But I was on a mission and nothing in the world could have possibly distracted me from this. Going back into a house that I ran away from 26 years ago and lock myself in with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre family for 6 months was my definition of my worst nightmare. I knew however that despite whatever happened in the past I would hate to exist in a world where I can't be strong enough to give my mother some care, love and forgiveness, and that is what kept me going.

Redemption for us both 

Eventually Mum started to get better, she regained full access to her mind, she went on remission from the cancer and I could return to London and resume my life. She called me a week after and said to me casually: "by the way, thank you for saving my life". In that precise moment not only did the last 6 months spent in the suburb of Paris made complete sense but a whole lifetime of anger, pain, self hatred and confusion literally lifted and disappeared from my body, my mind, my heart and my soul... It was an epiphany, a revelation, a miracle !!! I have been waiting all my life for that very one moment. The moment when my Mum would finally tell me that I am a good boy.

In that moment, 26 years of suffering and believing that I was the victim of a cosmic plot, that I was nothing but a poor joke from God transformed into the most profound experience I could ever reflect on. I decided to turn those 26 years into the best education one could ever have and I committed the rest of my life to gather as many tools as I can in order to help others get from a place of lack and distress to a place of abundance, health and love. I dropped the day job and started a wonderful career as a personal trainer and strength and conditioning coach. As I reached a satisfying understanding of the human body and the science of enhancing physical health and performance I decided to evolve towards the mind and become obsessed with mindset, mindfulness and therapy.

On the right I am in London in 2018

I am now happily married to my 14 years long wonderful partner, we have 2 beautiful and gorgeous dogs, I am teetotal, I became a British Powerlifting champion in 2013 and I run a successful practice as an advanced RTT Therapist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Mindset and Mindfulness Coach in the heart of London... and I haven't had a bad day in 11 years !!!

I can only compare my experience as surviving a plane crash or a cancer. After such life altering event anyone is blessed with a second lease of life, a lifetime of gratitude for every single day granted to them from then onward. Although change can absolutely happen in a moment, there is a direct proportional relation between the amplitude of the trauma and how long it has been reinforced and the shock needed in order to break through and get rid of that trauma.

Get on board !!!

Not everyone gets the opportunity to face their past and elicit that plane crash, and not everyone would survive it either. Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is the only protocol in the world that offers that plane crash without the risk and the hassle it comes with.

I know that if I have met an RTT Therapist 10, 15 or 20 years ago my life would have been much different. Would I change my past ? Not in a million years. Because that past is what makes me so exceptional at my job. Although I am not affected by it anymore, I can still remember exactly how it feels to be suffering from life debilitating pain, confusion and helplessness, regardless of the label or the denomination. Which means that I understand clearly how people who suffers feel like and that gives me a unique and immense insight and motive to help them. If you or someone you know is in such place message me for a free introductory consultation. We can all change. I did. And so can you. And it doesn't have to take 10 years (or 26 years in my case).